Charges Be brought

[calumscott]

I'm pretty sure I've committed an offence...

Yesterday I *may* have purchased 2 x 15 bottle boxes of bud*****r and 12 cans of J**n S****s Extra Rough.

In my defence, your honour, this was done in an attempt to preserve my own dwindling stock of actual beer through the festive period and will not under any circumstance be consumed by my good self. Further, said bud*****r bottles will be reclaimed, delabelled, and eventually refilled with some crazy concoction like the double AIPA planned for festive brewing...

Further, your honour, I may also have lessened the severity of the offence by concurrently purchasing several bottles of Dead Pony Club, Punk IPA, SNPA and other beers less suited to killing slugs.

The defence argues that these mitigating circumstances warrant no more punishment than a caution and course of therapy consisting of the sampling and brewing of as many different craft beers over the next three weeks as possible.

The defence rests.

 

[graysalchemy]

Oh but you most certainly have. :evil: :evil:

I am very disappointed in you Young Padawaan.

I thought you were made of sterner stuff than that Mr Scott. Next you will be telling us you are serving B*sto Gravy with your turkey on the Yule.

Trials will commence as soon as we can locate the judge sitting today, Judge PD was last seen resting his eyes in the bar area on Saturday night clutching a bottle of Nob Goblin. :lol: :lol:

He will be here soon to deliver his verdict. Lets just hope that he is in a lenient mood today and that his beer has not been besieged by a plague of fruit flies, for I fear the wrath of the Ale Gods may be upon you.

I would start making amens perhaps say a few Ale Mary's or perhaps give some of the said forbidden beverages away to some of the poor soles of this earth who are beyond the reach of redemption.

 

[calumscott]

I would start making amens perhaps say a few Ale Mary's or perhaps give some of the said forbidden beverages away to some of the poor soles of this earth who are beyond the reach of redemption.

Several Ale Mary's were already done last night (contributing somewhat to a fuzzy Monday head...) and the court should rest assured that *all* offending "beverages" will be consumed by persons other than the defendant (thus keeping the buggers away from the defendant's stash) and further, on premises not of the defendant (those being of the defendant's MIL and the beverages being made available to forgotten souls to wash down overcooked meats, smash {no, your honour, the defence does NOT joke in your presence} and other non-gourmet barely-comestibles).

Further, the defence wishes to lodge on record that appropriate vegetables have already been procured in the interests of home-made stock creation and thus bisto-prevention this Yule. Further, only reasonable quality wines and home crafted beers will be served or pressed into services of cooking during the day and evening of the 25th of this month. Further yet, the defendant also procured a rather spanking bottle of Balvenie to accompany "later in the day" ales of varying styles.

The defence, again, rests.

 

[TRXnMe]

Several Ale Mary's were already done last night (contributing somewhat to a fuzzy Monday head...) and the court should rest assured that *all* offending "beverages" will be consumed by persons other than the defendant (thus keeping the buggers away from the defendant's stash) and further, on premises not of the defendant (those being of the defendant's MIL and the beverages being made available to forgotten souls to wash down overcooked meats, smash {no, your honour, the defence does NOT joke in your presence} and other non-gourmet barely-comestibles).

Further, the defence wishes to lodge on record that appropriate vegetables have already been procured in the interests of home-made stock creation and thus bisto-prevention this Yule. Further, only reasonable quality wines and home crafted beers will be served or pressed into services of cooking during the day and evening of the 25th of this month. Further yet, the defendant also procured a rather spanking bottle of Balvenie to accompany "later in the day" ales of varying styles.

The defence, again, rests.

That's got to be worth serious consideration of a full pardon.

I was all for hanging him due to the complimentarty offence of not exposing the uninitiated into the beauties of homebrew, but if it's the MIL then there is no offence committed in my book*.



*For anyone who actually has a decent MIL you can put you case for the prosecution, but mine fits the one described as above so the defendant has my sympathy :)

 

[calumscott]

That's got to be worth serious consideration of a full pardon.

I was all for hanging him due to the complimentarty offence of not exposing the uninitiated into the beauties of homebrew, but if it's the MIL then there is no offence committed in my book*.

*For anyone who actually has a decent MIL you can put you case for the prosecution, but mine fits the one described as above so the defendant has my sympathy :)

For the sake of clarity in court, the defence wishes it recorded that the defendant's MIL is in fact "not a bad old stick" but is, however, somewhat "challenged" in the culinary and beverage departments and those attending said premises (with the exception of the defendant) are also deficient in areas of appreciation of good beer.

 

[graysalchemy]

Yes but you offer no defence for the actual procurement of said items other than they are for 'another' and will not be consumed on the defendants premises.

The court may ask why you did not buy some examples of the the country's finest ales in the aisles of waitrose. Ones which come in 500ml bottles and not pressurised aluminium drinks dispensing system.

Does the defendent not know the difference between a glass bottle of fine ale and an pressurised aluminium drinks dispensing system. :wha: :wha:

The defendant does appear to have commensurable knowledge of fine beverages and food, but on this occasion decided to dispense with such wisdom and resort to the mentality of a Neanderthal for the procurement of said beverages.

Your Honour this is no defence. The defendant has wantonly brought a stain against his honour and that of this brethren.

I ask that no mitigating circumstances be taken into account (there are no naked ladies on show) and that this court sentence him to the maximum tariff available to the court.

 

[PD]

the defence seems to rest a lot these days....perhaps that is,his problem

:hat:


The forces of evil abound at this time of year, and their handmaidens are ever eager to force upon us those seemingly " too good to be true " offers in an effort to undermine even the stoutest hearts.
As my ever faithful sheriff points out you have disappointed your worthy fellow brewers with your actions. Your mitigation has been listened to and it seems to the court to be the same old tripe..." it was for others sir "...not me...I never intended to drink it....tosh !
Possession is 3 quarts of the law, you knew that but still decided to " purchase " the offending materials....
However because of your recent convert to AG the court tends towards leniency, this time....
The good comments of our learned and culinary sheriff have been noted and yet again he has to be commended for his vigilance...

The court outburst has been noted and dismissed as irrelevant.



Sentence.......

puts hat away :hat:

A verses of any ode to the gods brew to be posted in this court within 24 hours, the weak defendant will recite it with hand on heart in front of his disappointed fellow brewers.....court adjourned ...and mines a pint....

here goes the judge....

 

[graysalchemy]

Court Rise.

 

[PD]

judge passes his sheriff his noticeable empty glass......

 

[Dieseljockey]

court adjourned ...and mines a pint..

Don't forget the packet of pork scratchings Your Honour..... :lol:

 

[graysalchemy]

Your honour we have a selection of the finest ales for you to choose from

Pride of Manchester 7.5% Bottled condition Bitter
Odd Job 7.5% Pale Ale
Old Jake 8.5% Barley Wine
A rather delectable Scottish Heavy Lass at 9%
and a Elderberry Stout weighing in at 8%

There is also a selection of ports including a vintage from 1993 but you ain't aving that guv.

 

[calumscott]

Press Statement on behalf of the defendant: The defendant acknowledges and accepts wholly the judgement of the court and sentence handed down and puts on record a deep appreciation of the leniency shown in this case favouring rehabilitation rather than punishment. Needless to say the defendant is today tweaking his Lia Fail clone recipe's hop schedule following in depth appreciation of Inveralmond Brewery's finest yesterday eve.

 

[PD]

The judge points out to the sheriff ...that he is still awaiting to sample a glass of Elderberry stout that was promised eons ago, and hopes that the offer was not intended to curry favour from the judge........smacks lips...otherwise a fine heavy scotch lass would be acceptable as a substitute, as long as she is gentle.

 

[calumscott]

The judge points out to the sheriff ...that he is still awaiting to sample a glass of Elderberry stout that was promised eons ago, and hopes that the offer was not intended to curry favour from the judge........smacks lips...otherwise a fine heavy scotch lass would be acceptable as a substitute, as long as she is gentle.

*the freed defendant whispers in the judges ear* M'lud, that Scotch Lass is gentle enough to lull M'lud into a false sense of security and will, without doubt, render M'lud deficient in some basic motor skills... yes, M'lud, a very pleasant paralysis indeed...

 

[PD]

noted.... what was the head like....?

and the lacing ? er easy to undo I hope....

 

[graysalchemy]

I will dispatch a bottle of each in the new year, we don't want Royal Mails peskie elves getting their grubby hands on it before the Yule, though elderberry stout should be drunk on the Winter Solstice to appease the Ale Gods.

:thumb:

 

[PD]

: : :party: :party:

Judge reaches under his gown and pulls out...........









oops sorry dropped it...
and pulls out a free get out of jail card and hands it to the sheriff..... you make keep this for use in acknowledgement of your good deeds to the cause...

er only to be used ONCE tho.


any DRUIDS here....when's the winter solstice... :grin:

 

[graysalchemy]

Friday,

I will be in white gown in Chat on friday. :lol: :lol:

 

[Frogfurlong]

Yup, tis Friday :thumb:

December Solstice (Winter Solstice) is on Friday, December 21, 2012 at 11:12 AM in London. In most locations north of Equator, the shortest day of the year is around this date

 

[cutnrun]

Friday,

I will be in white gown in Chat on friday. :lol: :lol:

Few :rofl:

I was worried you would be running aroung naked again!! :sick: