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That 'Life's What You Make It' brings back memories of tripping our faces off on magic mushrooms in the pool room of a local pub. We put it on the jukebox on repeat. Dunno why, just seemed appropriate somehow as we watched the paint slide off the wall, funny little men with long arms and pointy...

Our cats are trained to shat in everyone's garden except ours. That's the trick.

You know you can bank on me. Those climate-change crazees will be all over this, but unfortunately for them it's not a symptom, but a result of long-fetch southerlies and other factors coinciding perfectly . I can't recall them banging on about CC this time last year and well into March when we...

Furthermore, my curries are way better than any restaurant... the missus and kid no longer pester to go out for one if I'm around to deliver the goods. My self- built stereo and speakers make stuff costing many thousands sound like a malfunctioning washing machine. I could go on. Same with beer...

One of our cats is called Oscar, and he's far more naturally entertaining than any actor. Where's his prize?

I once tried them, but unfortunately put them in the wrong way round. One of our cats, who at the time was eating her food just a few feet away, looked like she was 5 miles in the distance, and going to the bog for a squirt was mindblowing.

Although my testicular appendages are indeed massive and bursting with testosterone, I dunno how that fact is related to volcanically hot curries.. I can't get enough of the burn. The trick is to proportionally increase the ratio of other, flavourful ingredients to match the heat. Ah, beer and...

And what the hell would they know? Seriously. Have they got bionic senses and are privy to stuff that the rest of us aren't? Maybe we could buy the stuff and just imagine we can physically experience the cack they drivel. Critics - of anything - make me puke! I'm off to ASDA right now for a case...

Excellent!!!

Labour needs the Tories; the Tories need Labour, ying and yang. Or that's how it used to be when they were really the only two parties. There's a line in the best film ever made - Withnail & I - which sums that situation up perfectly: "Shat on by the Tories, swept up by Labour". Only for the...

Ye they're crap. They tried to indoctrinate me as a kid but I could never get past the first five minutes without slinking off to do summat more interesting, like falling asleep. My mate is called Spannerhands cos of his inability to resist taking everything to bits and putting back together...

Some folk will actually try to convince you that it ( or some other stuff ) is underpriced. I've had better 'SmartPrice' stuff from Asda than a posh version of the same thing that costs 10 times more. There's a connection there but I think the beer police are far too gone to make it.

Sheesh... these people will do anything except work.

They should bloody well leave them alone. The smell of nitrogen dioxides intermingled with smog is, to me, like honeysuckle to a bee.

That book can't be much cop cos it's missing the fifth vital component.... vindaloo powder.

No, I just think they sound pathetic and don't smell nice ( ie of oil, petrol, fumes and other lovely gunge ). And I won't touch anything created under the false and ludicrous premise of 'tackling climate change'.

I presume that they are at the upper end of the price scale so no, they wouldn't have gone down the sink, having forked out in the first place. Like Chippy's hifi pal, you could spend more in the hunt for John Bonham's squeaky drum pedal, or live in ignorance at the wonders you're missing but...

Not be long before my stocks are up to sustainable levels. Meanwhile I had a bottle of Old Peculier and a bottle of Proper Job the other day. Do you guys consider those 'worthy'? The OP was alright. The PJ, if I had made it myself, would be considered a failure and gone down the plughole. Dreadful.

Unlikely... they're already all full of the buggers.

Great! Maybe they'll have to drop the price so much just to offload them, that I might be able to afford one. But purlease no electric junk - they can shove those up their arse.