Things your Mam would say.

[Bigcol49]

Hi!
Follow that!
My mother wouldn't let me check her pools coupon because, as she pointed out, "if you check it I might not win".
My mother used some strange pseudo words. Thilthy (= filthy) Bundalow (= bungalow) Chimley (= chimney) Deverans (= Debenhams).
Her mother was also a Mrs. Malaprop. She travelled on Pay As You Earn buses, took parrysecombes (paracetamol) when ill and once told us that my cousin had had an Oriental (ornamental) fireplace fitted.

 

[Chippy_Tea]

Chimley (= chimney)

Mrs Tea says that, drives me mad -

She also says TESCOS (are we going to TESCOS)

 

[Chippy_Tea]

Back to Mams -

Go to your room

(this one i heard often) :lol:

If someone asked you to jump off a cliff, would you?

(i wish para-gliders had been around then)

If you eat all your carrots, you’ll be able to see in the dark

There is no such word as can’t

 

[chub1]

It's too cold to snow:mrgreen:

 

[Dutto]

My Godfather installed a conservatory on the side of his house and he could turn just about every conversation around to an explanation of the merits of having a conservatory. Boring? You bet!

However, it all ended when my Grandad walked in one day and said "I see tha's got thissen a lean-to Alan." and the conservatory was never mentioned again!

Back to Mum's sayings. :thumb:

In our village we had a Methodist Chapel and many of the men who attended wore trilby hats. To accommodate these hats the church installed long hat-pegs above the hooks where people hung their coats in the cloakroom.

Which is why my Mum would describe a well endowed woman as having "**** like chapel hat-pegs!" :whistle: :whistle:

 

[jceg316]

Also, if my mum wanted us to do something, she'd say "you don't have to do X, but if you don't, I'll be very disappointed." Which usually meant "do what I'm telling you to avoid my wrath!"

If we said/did something that annoyed her (and to this day it still happens), she pulls an angry pouting face, where it all scrunches up and is concentrated into the lips. Quite similar to this guy: http://www.newschoolers.com/popups/...tumblr.com/tumblr_m87rt1SbWj1rcb4ouo1_400.jpg. One day she was giving my oldest sister one of those looks and my sister shouted back "your face looks like a cat's ****!" which really took the seriousness out of it from then on.

 

[Dutto]

Here's a good one:

"Wait until your Dad gets home!"​

Thick or what? I was in my twenties before I realised that my Dad had NEVER hit me! (*)

Apparently, the two of them had agreed early on in their marriage that because my Dad was a miner with a trigger temper he would never hit the kids.

As a result, my sister and I were handed over to the tender mercies of Mum who had psychopathic tendencies!

Aged about ten, I remember one time Dad shouting "Madge, he's being cheeky. Come in here and hit him." Mum bustled through the door from the kitchen wiping her hands on a tea-towel and started laying into me.

Mum normally stopped when she ran out of breath but on this occasion I heard Dad say "Whoa up! He wasn't that cheeky." so, much to my relief, she stopped early.

(*)

Actually Dad did hit me once when I was seventeen.

I was back home from my third trip to sea and Dad was sitting in a dining chair with the back between his knees reading a paper. I was "feeling my oats" as we used to say, so when I came into the room I did an Ali shuffle and cuffed him at the side of his head a couple of times in fun.

"Do you think your big enough?" said this old man. (He was 50 years old, still worked down the pit as a ripper and was built like the proverbial brick outhouse.)

"Against an old man like you? Yeah, no problem." I replied.

I woke up in the hallway to hear my Mum shout "What was that noise?" (I had ripped the catch off the hall door as I was knocked through it.) and my Dad replying "It's okay. We're just having a bit of fun."

What really teed me off then (and still tees me off now) is that it has been the only time I've been knocked out and the old bugger didn't even get out of his chair to hit me!

Happy Days! :thumb: :thumb:

 

[Chippy_Tea]

I guess most of us of a certain age used to get a slap if we had been naughty, we decided not to smack before my son was born and I am glad we did, did smacking stop any of us getting into trouble? (It didn't stop me)

 

[Dutto]

I guess most of us of a certain age used to get a slap if we had been naughty, we decided not to smack before my son was born and I am glad we did, did smacking stop any of us getting into trouble? (It didn't stop me)

My daughter was extolling the benefits of slapping her kids and said "It never hurt me." ...

... at which stage I pointed out the she had never been slapped by either me or her Mum and she went quiet. :nono: :nono:

I then repeated the tale to my Mum about a week later and she replied "Er.... that might have been me!" :whistle: :whistle:

And "agreed" slapping never stopped me either; it just made me a bit more nervous when I was committing the normal crimes of childhood! :grin: :grin:

 

[Richie_asg1]

"Don't go near the cellar door"
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dz7LOgVEso[/ame]

 

[Irish]

"Your grounded, now get out of my sight"

Ten minutes later -

" get out and don't come back till it's dark"

I was such a nightmare of a child, now I try keep my kids close to me.... amazing what a difference 30 years makes in the world.

 

[Chippy_Tea]

Getting sent to bed was a nightmare (no TV, games console etc) if i sent my lad to bed when he was a kid he would have been made up.

 

[Dutto]

Aged eighteen (an age when your mind is really only on one pastime) I bought myself a pair of new jeans that fitted perfectly.

I looked the dogs doodads in the bathroom mirror so with shined shoes, Brylcreemed hair, a clean shirt and a splash of my brother's Old Spice I went downstairs on my way out for the evening.

Walking through the living room I asked Mum "What do you think then?"

She glanced up at me, said "You look all balls and no brain!" and went back to her crocheting. :whistle: :whistle:

This comment was an improvement on her normal response of "You look like a bag of ****e tied in the middle." so I took the comment as a seal of approval. :thumb: :thumb: :thumb:

 

[Chippy_Tea]

If someone asked you to jump off a cliff, would you?

 

[jceg316]

If someone asked you to jump off a cliff, would you?

I always found this question hilarious. Usually teachers would say it to me:

-Why did you push in line?
-that kid pushed in line too.
-if that kid jumped off a cliff would you??

The simple answer is no, because there's a difference between pushing in the lunch queue and jumping off a f*cking cliff.

 

[Chippy_Tea]

Who is she, the cats mother?