Anonymity equals rude?

[strange-steve]

Why is it that when people are hiding behind anonymity, whether on social media, online forums, email, texts etc, that often manners and common decency disappear?

Forums are particularly susceptible I find, although this one is much more friendly and respectful than most. Also if you've ever sold anything via gumtree or the like, then maybe you've noticed this, I certainly have.

My recent experiences selling stuff:

Giving away a piece of furniture for free. Message: "I'll take that off your hands for you". A little rude but fair enough, I was just looking rid of it after all.

Selling a pair of speakers at a very reasonable price. Message just after I posted the advert: "what's the lowest you'll take for the speakers?" I replied that it was too soon for me to drop below the asking price but I'd get back to him. No reply. A few days later there were a couple of other people interested, thought I'd give the first guy a chance to make an offer, again no reply.

Second guy seemed very interested, asking lots of questions, all of which I answered, he offered the full asking price to make sure he'd get them, asked if it'd be possible to hear the speakers working, I agreed and we arranged a time for him to come, I pulled the amp down reconnected everything through the laptop so he could hear them, waited in for him and he didn't show. I messaged him to see if he was still interested, no reply. I messaged him again the next day saying it would have been polite to let me know he wasn't coming even if he's no longer interested. No reply.

Third guy: "if you still have the speakers what's your lowest price?". I say I couldn't go lower than £100 (asking price was £120). Him: "will you take 80?" I say sorry £100 is my lowest price. No reply.

Why do people lose all semblance of common courtesy and manners when dealing anonymously with strangers? It's not than I'm particularly thin skinned, but it's really not difficult to be polite is it? Or maybe I expect too much?

 

[Leon103]

Will you take £60. Cash waiting








What is the term cash waiting all about. I am about to accept a card payment

 

[kelper]

I would put 'no offers' in the ad. People are rude, as you said, because they can be anonymous. But many people are still decent.

I also blame Antiques Roadshow and Floggit where everyone tries to haggle.

 

[Clint]

Yeah I like the "cash waiting" or "how much for cash"...like we have a card terminal at home...

 

[DavidDetroit]

To get it out of the way, I agree that HBF is much more friendly and respectful than most and is why I'm still here. I would even rate this site a bit higher than that.

I've thought about this subject before and this is what I concluded:

People, like the ones you mentioned, know there are no repercussions for their behavior during an interaction when anonymous and so behave how they really are as a person. In other words, it is an excellent indicator of their true character.
A good yardstick for character is to observe who's nice to someone they don't have to be nice to and won't benefit in any way.

I do not agree that there's some magical "shorthand" way of speaking to another on-line that is still polite. Polite and respectful is polite and respectful and if it feels rude, it probably was intended as rude. In the vast majority of situations, those who do it know exactly what they're doing even though they may justify it otherwise.

It might be that the buying/selling sites attract a higher percentage of undesirables than normal but I can't prove that. For all I know, it may well be a good yardstick for what passes for average.

 

[MickDundee]

Piss off!

 

[An Ankoù]

Piss off!

Not suffering from florets, by an chance are you?

The top 10 jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival 2019
1. “I keep randomly shouting out ‘Broccoli’ and ‘Cauliflower’ – I think I might have Florets” – Olaf Falafel

 

[Gulpitdarn]

I reckon people have become much more fearful of each other, times have become harder to deal with. People have pride that they do not like knocking, so it is so much easier to hide behind an anonymous name, I guess I'm the same in many ways. Political correctness is one of the biggest frustrations I find, got to be so careful what you say or type.

 

[MickDundee]

Yeah I like the "cash waiting" or "how much for cash"...like we have a card terminal at home...

“How much for cash” usually applies to tradesmen doesn’t it? Meaning “how much will you charge me if you don’t put it through the books?”.

 

[MickDundee]

Will you take £60. Cash waiting








What is the term cash waiting all about. I am about to accept a card payment

I’d probably take PayPal if they really wanted to.

 

[MickDundee]

Not suffering from florets, by an chance are you?

The top 10 jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival 2019
1. “I keep randomly shouting out ‘Broccoli’ and ‘Cauliflower’ – I think I might have Florets” – Olaf Falafel

No, but my joke was probably just as bad as that one!

 

[Chippy_Tea]

Has anyone here ever sold at a car boot sale?

We took a load of baby stuff (clothes, shoes toys etc) which were like new and we priced them low to sell some items were £1 and you wouldn't believe the amount of people who offered us 50 pence for them, i politely declined as i would rather have burned them than let them go for half price.

These people are nothing better than tip rats.

It cost us £6 for the stall, never again.

 

[Rodcx500z]

I reckon people have become much more fearful of each other, times have become harder to deal with. People have pride that they do not like knocking, so it is so much easier to hide behind an anonymous name, I guess I'm the same in many ways. Political correctness is one of the biggest frustrations I find, got to be so careful what you say or type.

Hi Gulpit agree with the pc bit, I am of that generation were anything went you know ( the Alf Garnett one) so yeah I am a bit careful

 

[Clint]

Lots at the bootys are re-sellers...

 

[Gerryjo]

If you ever use HotUKDeals take a look through the comments section when someone has posted a decent bargain to be found and the ridicule that happens is a disgrace at times just because it's been posted before or one person smacks it down.Thankfully it doesn't happen all the time but some people really get on my goat.

 

[Gerryjo]

On Saturday I went to give my mate a hand as he seen a few lorry wheels with tyre's for sale and had agreed to the price with the seller over the phone and was told to meet his son as he would be on holiday.
Travelled about 30 mile there for the son to tell us that he needed another €100 as two of the tyres had better thread than advertised and told us he would take nothing less than €500 and that the local filling station had an ATM as he'd only brought what he needed.
So after that we noticed a pile of wheel rims and started looking through them and he asked do you want any and he said if we were interested he would give them for €10 each as he had only put them in the skip out of the way.The cheek and this guy was loaded.

 

[Chippy_Tea]

Lots at the bootys are re-sellers...

I had never thought of that Clint although i forgot to mention it was 20 years ago.

 

[pms67]

It’s the ones who offer half the price and an x box

 

[strange-steve]

A good yardstick for character is to observe who's nice to someone they don't have to be nice to and won't benefit in any way.

I agree with you there. You can tell a lot about a person from they way they treat retail and waiting staff. Or a particular pet peeve of mine, by what they do with their shopping trolley after loading into their car. Do they put it back properly or do they just shove it in the general direction of the return station. Same thing at the gym, some people obviously think their time is too precious to waste putting the weights back on the rack when they're done. It's fine, someone else will do it

 

[the_quick]

Unfortunately I think more and more people are rude and have not been taught manners. I believe there is as well some mental laziness. I work in a school (not a teacher) and what we see is that parents want to be more like friends than parents, very often they expect school to be "the bad guy". Internet and anonymity of it just fuels it.