Xmas disaster

[bobsbeer]

Anyone had an xmas disaster yet? We had one last night. For the first time in about 20 years we decided to get a real tree. When I say we, I mean SWMBO decided she wanted a real tree. We spent ages deciding on the 'perfect' tree. It was one that came with a slice of log as a base. Great we thought, we don't need a stand. Brought it home in true xmas style. Feeling all christmasy, we cut the netting and whoosh out came the branches. Now we don't live in a big house, but SWMBO had spent ages deciding on THE tree. In the house it was bloody huge. It nearly filled the living room!!!! I have decided women have no spacial awareness whatsoever. Anyway it was home, and it was now occupying our livingroom, so not to be outdone by a tree I set too putting on the lights. Not sure why but lights are a man's job. We have 6 strings of 200 lights, and they were distributed perfectly around the tree. That's 1200 all white lights, which any normal Blackpool Illumination expert would say was enough. But NO, according to SWMBO we needed more. So off I went and came back with 200 more. Finally she was satisfied the tree looked like Blackpool Tower, and set about decorating. After about an hour or so she declared THE tree complete. And it did look good.

At about 11pm while sitting in our kitchen we heard a whoomph from the living room. Dog was with us, and the cat upstairs. Anyway we went to investigate and low and behold the tree had capsized. Beads, glass balls all over the floor. We lifted it up but it would't stand. The weight of all those lights, balls etc had pulled it over.

There was only one thing for it. It needed an Edward Scissorhands pruning to make it more symmetrical. Out came the shears and secateurs. Clip, clip, chop, chop, and hey presto it stands upright, and we can now see the living room again. And off I set, having now filled the recycling wheelie bin, to re arrange the lights. All now 1400 lights went on again, and I summoned her to give the seal of approval. You guessed it. Not enough lights!!! So today I went out yet again and came back with 400 more. That's 1800 lights on a tree!!! She was finally satisfied. And off she went and redecorated again. To make sure it doesn't keel over again, I screwed a bolt into the wall and tied it to the tree.

So beware if you decide on a real tree. And weigh it down with loads of lights. :lol: Happy Christmas everyone.

 

[joe1002]

:rofl: :rofl:

Well written Bob, had me in tears of laughter (sorry it was at your expense)

 

[oldbloke]

I'll tell you what, all the trees seem wider this year. We got one same height as usual, it's at least a foot wider, prolly more like 18".
Luckily for me, my job is getting it to the car, into the car, out of the car, into the living room (which involves stairs coz we live on a hill), and screwed onto our nice wide metal base. After that she does the lights.
I was sick of the annual lights check, we had 4 different strings which despite beng from the same maker all take different bulbs, so we got some new LED ones this year. They're quite nice.
The cat's flap-actuating-magnet on his collar does keep sticking to that base though. Not quite as funny as when he runs round the house with a tuna tin stuck to his neck, but close.

 

[TRXnMe]

Anyone had an xmas disaster yet? We had one last night. For the first time in about 20 years we decided to get a real tree. When I say we, I mean SWMBO decided she wanted a real tree. We spent ages deciding on the 'perfect' tree. It was one that came with a slice of log as a base. Great we thought, we don't need a stand. Brought it home in true xmas style. Feeling all christmasy, we cut the netting and whoosh out came the branches. Now we don't live in a big house, but SWMBO had spent ages deciding on THE tree. In the house it was bloody huge. It nearly filled the living room!!!! I have decided women have no spacial awareness whatsoever. Anyway it was home, and it was now occupying our livingroom, so not to be outdone by a tree I set too putting on the lights. Not sure why but lights are a man's job. We have 6 strings of 200 lights, and they were distributed perfectly around the tree. That's 1200 all white lights, which any normal Blackpool Illumination expert would say was enough. But NO, according to SWMBO we needed more. So off I went and came back with 200 more. Finally she was satisfied the tree looked like Blackpool Tower, and set about decorating. After about an hour or so she declared THE tree complete. And it did look good.

At about 11pm while sitting in our kitchen we heard a whoomph from the living room. Dog was with us, and the cat upstairs. Anyway we went to investigate and low and behold the tree had capsized. Beads, glass balls all over the floor. We lifted it up but it would't stand. The weight of all those lights, balls etc had pulled it over.

There was only one thing for it. It needed an Edward Scissorhands pruning to make it more symmetrical. Out came the shears and secateurs. Clip, clip, chop, chop, and hey presto it stands upright, and we can now see the living room again. And off I set, having now filled the recycling wheelie bin, to re arrange the lights. All now 1400 lights went on again, and I summoned her to give the seal of approval. You guessed it. Not enough lights!!! So today I went out yet again and came back with 400 more. That's 1800 lights on a tree!!! She was finally satisfied. And off she went and redecorated again. To make sure it doesn't keel over again, I screwed a bolt into the wall and tied it to the tree.

So beware if you decide on a real tree. And weigh it down with loads of lights. :lol: Happy Christmas everyone.

You might want to get yourself a fire extinguisher with all that electrickery running around your nice sappy tree :)

No disaster here, yet, but we have at least a 50:50 chance of one We are supposed to be heading for Yorkshire to do Christmas with my rentals, leaving christmas eve, and towing the 'van up (cheaper to do that than put the dog in kennels [don't ask]) there, so it'sa good 4 hour drive, plus hook up and setup. I've got a 13:30 finish on tha cards, but a supplier is looking a bit 'iffy' and might hold me up, to make matters worse, the missus' boss is now talking about cancelling her 14:00 finish and making her work until 16:00

 

[MattN]

Anyone had an xmas disaster yet? We had one last night. For the first time in about 20 years we decided to get a real tree. When I say we, I mean SWMBO decided she wanted a real tree. We spent ages deciding on the 'perfect' tree. It was one that came with a slice of log as a base. Great we thought, we don't need a stand.

We, we, we and we.

but SWMBO had spent ages deciding on THE tree.

Shifting the blame!!!

I have decided women have no spacial awareness whatsoever.

But you were there too... weren't you Bob?

Anyway at least...

She was finally satisfied.

And that is the main thing :clap:

Matt

 

[markmark]

Hahaha :lol: Least you didn't get a :electric:
I offered to pick up a real tree this year, SWMBO surprisingly turned the idea down. I'm pretty glad she did after reading that :rofl:

Things are running pretty smoothly here.....thus far :pray:

 

[Moley]

Luckily for me, my job is getting it to the car, into the car, out of the car, into the living room (which involves stairs coz we live on a hill), and screwed onto our nice wide metal base. After that she does the lights.

Same here, wife and daughter choose the tree because I can't be trusted to do so and anything I've previously brought back has been judged as deformed.

We have a local farm which grows the things, but for the last couple of years they've had nothing suitable, either too tall or too small. The smaller ones have grown and this year they had a reasonable selection. They will saw them off or you can dig your own, so we've got one with roots and I've re-planted it in a large tub and will try to see if it can be kept alive for another year.

As for lights and decorations, my involvement ceases at finding them and fetching them down from the shed.

But the tree did fall on me while darling daughter was supposed to be holding it upright and I was lying on my belly and shoveling soil into the tub. I think she let go on purpose.

 

[winelight]

Some hilarious stories here.!.. so glad we have a fake tree. It was looking a bit sparse however (the wife took the baubles when she left, not content with all the money) but I lucked out and got about 100 from freecycle, and my daughter has done a splendid job decorating it. So all good so far.

 

[iceo]

i dont do xmas if i can get away with it. i leave the mrs to sort the tree, lights, dec's, i just get it out the loft and put it back again

 

[oldbloke]

But the tree did fall on me

A christmas tree fell on my brand new copy of Frank Zappa's "Hot Rats", gouging two huge scratches across it, back in 1970 (or 71, maybe)

 

[Vossy1]

@Bob :lol: . No disasters to report here yet other than having to rescue the neighbours wreath from under our car due to high winds
We've got a false tree, it's about 6' across when set up, which is just far to big in our front room, so simple solution (well it was to me)...don't put most of the back of the tree in and put it up against a wall...looks good..but same problem as Bob, liked to fall over, so wire and tack went in wall....job done :grin:
1800 lights :shock:

 

[graysalchemy]

Mine will happen on Christmas day in the form of MIL's sprouts :whistle:

 

[evanvine]

I think she let go on purpose.

Why is it, that I don't seem to be able to fault her! :whistle:

 

[Hawks]

1800 lights !!!! Can we have a picture ?

 

[Tim_Crowhurst]

My aunt & uncle host a big family Christmas every second year (15 people this year) for which my uncle normally gets a ten- to twelve-foot tree, which just about fits in their lounge if you bend over the top one to three feet.

This year he got a twenty-five foot tree :wha:

 

[Jeltz]

But the tree did fall on me

A christmas tree fell on my brand new copy of Frank Zappa's "Hot Rats", gouging two huge scratches across it, back in 1970 (or 71, maybe)

You should have written and told him, Christmas trees scratch my vinyl would have been a fitting sequel to Weasels rip my flesh.

 

[TRXnMe]

We have a local farm which grows the things, but for the last couple of years they've had nothing suitable, either too tall or too small. The smaller ones have grown and this year they had a reasonable selection. They will saw them off or you can dig your own, so we've got one with roots and I've re-planted it in a large tub and will try to see if it can be kept alive for another year.
As for lights and decorations, my involvement ceases at finding them and fetching them down from the shed.

But the tree did fall on me while darling daughter was supposed to be holding it upright and I was lying on my belly and shoveling soil into the tub. I think she let go on purpose.

We had the same tree for 5 years when I was a kid, then it grew too big to be dug up and brought in so my Mum got some external lights and dressed it outside the house, it's still there and I'm heading for 50 now :)

 

[Moley]

We had the same tree for 5 years when I was a kid, then it grew too big to be dug up and brought in so my Mum got some external lights and dressed it outside the house, it's still there and I'm heading for 50 now :)

That sounds like the sort of value for money that even Barnsley Brewer would approve of :thumb:

Apologies to Bob for sidetracking the topic, but what are the best and worst Christmas tree prices? I paid £35 for a Nordman, a bog standard spiky tree which loses all its needles before Twelfth Night would have been £25.

 

[Vossy1]

Bob, Keeley and I are sat here looking at our tree wondering what the hell all those lights look like.....we need a pic..lol

 

[bobsbeer]

Here you go. It's a bit wonky. But that was me resting the camera on the sofa arm. :lol: