Racked it off into the demijohn - suspect this will be a wine that I'll chalk down to experience and learn from.
When I put the sugar in, I tried to be clever and put the hydrometer into the bucket, rather than take out the fluid. I ended up with an SG of 1.078, chucked the yeast in and left it to ferment for a while.
It definitely fermented - I found some evidence of froth on the lid of my bucket, and it smelt strongly of fermentation. However, when I checked the SG, it was... 1.078.
I racked it off and discovered a ton of sugar at the bottom, so who knows what the ABV is going to be. Fortunately, it's fermenting away happily in the DJ and it's a great colour, so I'm hoping it'll end up drinkable.
Definitely need a properly long ladle though. I don't have anything deep enough to hit the bottom of the bucket at the moment.