man rules coped from facebook....

MAN RULES

AT LAST A BLOKE HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO WRITE THIS ALL DOWN

WE ALWAYS HEAR 'THE RULES' FROM THE FEMALE SIDE
NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE

THESE ARE OUR RULES!

PLEASE NOTE. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED #1 ON PURPOSE!

1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.

1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.

1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:

SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
JUST SAY IT!

1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.

1.. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.

1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.

1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON'T ASK US.

1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE.

1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE. NOT BOTH.
IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.

1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.

1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE...

1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS..
PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.

1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY 'NOTHING,' WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.

1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR..

1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE...REALLY.

1.. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS FOOTBALL OR MOTOR SPORTS.

1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.

1 .. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.

1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!

1.. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS. YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT.. BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING...

PASS THIS TO AS MANY MEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A LAUGH...

PASS THIS TO AS MANY WOMEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A BIGGER LAUGH, BECAUSE ITS TRUE!

 

[carl_saint]

Love it!

 

[pittsy]

Brilliant !! every word golden , :thumb: :thumb:

 

[Chippy_Tea]

:thumb:

 

[oldstunty]

:
Pmsl!!

 

[Chippy_Tea]

I tried this one on the wife as we have had this argument hundreds of times, i still got the answer, it should always be down with the lid closed, i give up.

1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

 

[oldstunty]

I'd like to add to that list.

1. It's not the dress that makes your bum look big.. It's your bum, so don't ask.

 

[Mulled]

A post full of truth and wisdom Mick :clap:

Wonder how far down the list she will get before turning to slap the grin off my face :lol:

 

[Hawks]

Excellent :thumb:

 

[calumscott]

I tried this one on the wife as we have had this argument hundreds of times, i still got the answer, it should always be down with the lid closed, i give up.

1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

I have applied some logic to this problem and I now come out on top. My missus is a "leave it seat down lid up type".

So she only ever needs the bog to be in one state - seat down lid up.
I may need it in either "all up" or "seat down lid up".

So if I always leave it "all down" then for 100% of her visits directly after me she has to change the bog-state.

She leaves it "seat down lid up" and for a given percentage (I haven't worked out the percentage to be fair...) of my visits directly after her I have to make no change.

WINNER!!!

 

[andybrew]

I have applied some logic to this problem and I now come out on top. My missus is a "leave it seat down lid up type".

So she only ever needs the bog to be in one state - seat down lid up.
I may need it in either "all up" or "seat down lid up".

So if I always leave it "all down" then for 100% of her visits directly after me she has to change the bog-state.

She leaves it "seat down lid up" and for a given percentage (I haven't worked out the percentage to be fair...) of my visits directly after her I have to make no change.

WINNER!!!

I just wee on the seat she soon learnt to put it up after use

 

[Vossy1]

:lol:

 

[Crastney]

I always leave the seat and the lid closed, and try to persuade the wife to do the same.
it keeps smells in, and everyone knows where they stand when they approach it, and according to Tai Chi (or some Asian thing), if the seat is up, your money flows down the loo.
(and of course if the seat/lid is always down then you reduce the risk of accidently dropping your phone down the loo whilst looking at it whilst for some reason standing in front of the loo ... :hmm:

 

[Vossy1]

I always leave the seat and the lid closed, and try to persuade the wife to do the same.
it keeps smells in, and everyone knows where they stand when they approach it,

am I alone in this but I always approach a lidded seat with trepidation of what someone's left for me inside :sick: :lol:

 

[zalastar]

am I alone in this but I always approach a lidded seat with trepidation of what someone's left for me inside :sick: :lol:

Nope, especially when at work, if the seat is down, danger Will Robinson!!, move to the next trap :shock:

 

[Vossy1]

:lol:

 

[Jeltz]

Get a slow close seat/lid it then becomes a gadget.

 

[zalastar]

The problem with toilet seats as gadgets is that they can be hacked ! :shock:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencet...t-toilets-Japan-hacked-hijacked-remotely.html