Somebody managed to copy and paste it
Attention Teenage Drug Dealers/Low Life & Oxygen Thieves
If you think you've saved enough benefit from your 4 children before your 20, this could be the answer to your prayers.
A proper ¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ised, chaved up Skippy mobile if ever there was. Enhance your street cred at the local drive thru burger joint or council estate shop front no end with this utterly tacky converted little Renault Clio. Not your Gran's idea of a lift to town, granted, but a fantastic opportunity to increase 3 fold your class A drug selling ability. This is the car you need boys. The punters will flock to the window for your home grown skunk and other illegal substances. you just ain't gonna look out of place in this little beauty! Now I've made sure the tax ran out last November, so there is a big pat on your scrawny little backs already.
Dig out yer favourite unwashed "Umbro" hoodie and come cast your shifty little eyes on this. Ideal for the "Street Pharmacist" and other suitably attired ¤¤¤¤s. Your gonna need a baseball cap with this beauty, ideally one that comes with no fitting instructions. Heaven forbid you should put it on the right way. What better way to compliment your stolen Nike Air Max trainers than to be seen dangling a foot outta this pocket rocket.
Worried about the Babylon spotting ya, no need. Car comes fully equipped with proper blacked out gangster glass on the side windows. Hell, you could even fill the back up with yer ugly chav kids and knowone'd see 'em. doesn't get much better boys. Ah, but it does. It does. To show your complete and utter lack of taste and knowledge of the motor car you'll also find the ridiculous rock hard lowered suspension to your taste as well. Why not get a step closer to Gran's inheritance by offering her a lift in ya new "wheels" then taking her down the post Office flat out over the speed humps round your estate and hopefully knocking the spine out of her? Might need 2 laps but god damn them single teenage mums smoking Marlboro Lights outside the chippy will be impressed fella's. You know that they like a ride like this. Turn up the Alpine Head Unit, stick in your favourite and incomprehensible "Drum & Bass" Cd and the throbbing out the 6x9 parcel shelf will have them pregnant in no time.
To complete the proper drug dealer look, a tasteless stripe has been fitted from the front to the rear. Finished in "Air Max" white it really doesn't complement the car in any shape or form. Rather like you and your Brethren spitting on the floor constantly. Completely needless but you think it makes a statement about you. You'll also enjoy the totally pointless but ridiculously noisy after market air filter. About as helpful as a fart in an astronaut suit, but hell, you didn't get where you are today by being helpful, did you?
I'm quite sad to see the thing go really. There is nothing more pleasurable to me at 41 than to drive round in this bit of ¤¤¤¤ and look a complete prick. I'd much rather hand the opportunity to you work shy crack head council tenants any day. This little set of wheels is gonna let the other hoodies know you've made it. cocaine and skunk selling is never gonna get any easier for the lucky buyer of this car. I might have a deal on a couple of gram's of smack or coke, but ideally I'd need to get a serious drug habit before hand. Perhaps someone could help? You can pay in cash or wraps, I'm easy really. Bring along your mums credit card or one that your mate has cloned down the petrol station. If it is going to be hard cash, please ensure it is discretely hidden in a used Tesco carrier bag, and you have folded one £20 note around 4 others. Makes counting so much easier.
For any female buyer I'm offering a free Tatoo of something utterly meaninless to go in the middle of your lower back. If you haven't already got your "Tramp Stamp" that is.
If your an under-age drink driver, or under-age driver for that matter, this little beauty really isn't going to attract the attention of the local constabulary at all. you'll drift pass any patrol car effortlessly. Make sure there is at least 6 of you in the car though, Splif in hand. If your driving, have another swig from your 2 litre plastic "LIDL" brand cider as you nonchalantly flip the bird to the passing police patrol. Head off for the nearest estate for some tyre screeching fun. They ain't never gonna take you alive in this.
The car does like a good rev in the morning at any unsocial hour. Neighbours will love it and feel proud to live in the same road. don't forget to rev the pants off of it at all junctions and roundabouts as well. This really will increase the length of ************ no end. your virginity is gonna be a thing of the past when the babes see you in this "fanny magnet". You can almost bet your last eighth of puff your gonna get laid. Hell, might even get a few STD's as well. your gonna get a proper bird with this motor.
For the disqualified driver I'll even offer to recover it from outside the local Magistrates or police station. What better way to impress the local Judicial system in one final act of defiance before collecting your ASBO?
Don't let the frivolous matter of actually holding a current, valid drivers licence and insurance put you off this bargain. A visit to your local crack house should procure some documentation from as little as fifty quid.
Nuff said, innit.
Q: Beaniedude, I is well made up but megga! Ya clito-shed is MUST, Me stretched & jacked Cat`A` Matiz just fallen off da phukn M4 after 7 wite litnins & a shooful of Meffs, Ise renda`d homless & credless wiv ma jooley pushin a weelie-bin in Izlwurf, tayk 11 bent passports for the reno-rokit ? Regae 19-Mar-10
A: YO YO man i is genyouin gutted 4 ya, so is ma hommies. You is had well bad luc init. I is always needin pastpot man. we get a deal 2geffer. i is wantin no pics on dem docs right. me make up ma own for da crew. bustin outta here, check up & head up, me respectin yaz. uze julie come stay at mi crib if she easy wid dat.
Q: wagwan breadbin, this ride is sick . . ! fings I need to no B4 I go robbin to get the paper to buy dis. . how mani miles dose it av on the handbrake-turnometer ? coz mi mate daz has a clio an he did a massive handbrake turn dat lasted bout a week and proper ¤¤¤¤ed his tyres up an nearli melted his rims ! an do you eva get any beef from tha 5-0 or guys wantin to jack ya an nick it ? 19-Mar-10
A: I got 60,000 mileages sayin on da clock, hard crusin round slough mostly. Been 2 amsterdam couple a 3 times and is well safe. Handbrkaes pukka, init. Woz on sky cops last munth doin 128 on da A4. Da 5-0 never cught me 'cuase I went frew da kiddies park. ma mate got compuota fing dat make it less miles if u want, but yo gotta sort him proper 4 dat. No one tried jacin ma weels but i is always carriyin, just in case, bro
Q: Felicity, the good lady wife, is hankering after "a bit of rough", and this fine vehicle looks just the job for attracting such a scalliwag. Is there a way of fitting a screen such that the rear of the car so that it not visible to Jeeves, our chauffeur, whilst she goes about her business? 19-Mar-10
A: I is 'erein wot u sayin bout ya Felicity. Is she fit? cos me an da crew fancie a doggin session wiv ya *****. Bring er round da back ov da chippy 2nite bro and we chek er out
Q: Yo Ma Blood, Like Skwizit weels bro ! Bin finkin to moonlight wedins,foonrals an privat amblance ¤¤¤¤ wiv dat muvva,Ise aksin cud `neel da steal` score me a rack for da roof?, Dat way Ise puttin stiffies an stretchas on top an keepin bacseet for me an me minga to puff, hump & bang da laybys, rispec dude...Regae da Ringa 19-Mar-10
A: Booyakasha! Eyes gettin ya big muvva rack man. do wot ya gotta do. Keep it real.
Q: Skobble noodle vark, me old Franger - does the trev coolio the thrunge sproket or do I need to ole ole the biscuit barrel? 19-Mar-10
A: wot u smokin man? Me is wantin some as well. U is well mashed init.
Q: i is wantin px 93 nova 1.4 sr lambo doors, is rude ride, serious, with 7 pit/staff x pups? is it? 19-Mar-10
A: frankster man is in da howse. word up bro. wot u sayin man! I taugh u is lovin use wicked corsa man. SERIOUS wheels dare bro. You is gettin all da ******* wid dat ride. init. is it 16 valve bro? me is wantin big up me 'orse power. init
Q: is da enuf room in da back for me hommies and some stash of da ash...innit k m8..respect 19-Mar-10
A: use get more hommies in da bak dan u can trow a stick at. Big up homegirl. You is well fit. init.
Q: ¤¤¤¤ brilliant 19-Mar-10
A: i is lovin it init. big shout & re spek goin outt to da brooxy10985 from da hood, bro. word up. init
Q: yo man dis car is proper SICK, wil U ship 2 mi couz jamal in africa ? he got nuff paper he can def afford the sickest rides. holla back bruv 19-Mar-10
A: couz Jamal wanna do a deal wiv some plants. Me needin more afrikhan ganja. Ride is well sick man, ya kno wat i is sayin
Q: Can you put a link to Bable Fish Translator please. 19-Mar-10
A: no, da babylon might suss man
Q: yer pulled me mate innit, id kep it if u wan some 19-Mar-10
A: nuff re spekt init. I is hearin ya
Q: Wicked init. I just hope the ebay police don't take the ad off before I send a link to all my mates. 19-Mar-10
A: Me too. I is needin some sov's so da motor gotta go.
Q: well put mate - brilliant! 19-Mar-10
A: You is gonna bid on me wheels init
Q: can i pay £5 per week out of ma benefit, willing to throw in my *****, dog and ne thin else u fancy till paid up 19-Mar-10
A: I takin youse benyfit book for fiver week but want some pension books and dvd player aswell init. see wot you can blag to do a deal. Friday good for shopliftin so go work dem PC Woorld and Currys. Take off da sekuirty tag doh.
Q: I az got a pitbull that don't like fiting or nuffink. Would you konsi.. consed.. fink about a part x. its got burberry coats init and spikey collar and i've superglued its ears up to look ard. 19-Mar-10
A: dat wicked 4 yr dogg mate, init. As it got tat oo. I is well likein burberry init. Got some wicked D&G shades for da pup as well. Is it ***** cuse me wants an earn wiv its kitten fings if it a good breeder.
Q: Fookin brilliant write up mate,,,,, but you owe me a new keyboard as this one is now soaked in coffee and snot...... lmfao 19-Mar-10
A: Ta.
Q: how much for the squiggled out numberplates....just what i need. 18-Mar-10
A: Day is special from my mate Neil at Halfords. He say tenner bag of crack and you is got yerself a pair bro. Wicked.
Q: DO I HAVE TO BE A CRACK HEAD TO OWN THIS AND CAN I PAY PART DODGY CASH AND A FEW ¤¤¤¤S WITH ONE OF MY BITCHS THANKS WINSTON 18-Mar-10
A: You can be smack head or needle bro, I aint bovered, init. I take a ***** and some bent 20's if it helps. give ya £7 on a £20. No wot I mean bruv. Init.
Q: is there a towbar fitted,so i can hook up a trolley full of nicked stuff from Asda.??? 18-Mar-10
A: man u is wantin towbar init. I'll sort one out tonight wen halfords is shut. My mate Neil works there and he'll frow one outda back door. init. Is u wantin twin electrics?
Q: Geeez, been finking abowt how to pay if i win it on my stepdads account. My lil sis has a piggy bank wiv a load of metal money, can I bring dat? Or me mate can do a couple ov fone boxes and pay wiv dem. Let us no mate. wayne. 18-Mar-10
A: Wayne. Geeza. Mush. Init. Large it up for me clio. I think I know ya sis, she owes me a score for dem pills last week. She aint gettin any more on tick now. Get yer step dads account details & my mate will screw his account proper wiv some wicked lexus rear lights for is Corsa. Init.
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