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I reckon the 'magic bullet' for cancer is known, and a well-guarded secret. Imagine the ramifications and consequences if it got out. No, seriously. Same with these climate-change f***wits. Seriously, think about that too, what with all the water under the bridge for all these decades that...

So long as someone buys them for me. Ye I know... I'm such a martyr.

Meanwhile, James Lovelock, one of the founding protagonists of climate-change crapola and now well past his expiry date, says that our life on Earth soon won't be possible. And.....?

Something VERY BAD happened recently.... I tipped a batch of HB down the sink, just not good and the first to go that way in decades. As a result I've been buying bottles of ale to supplement my meagre supplies until more recent batches come online. I can tell y'all this - not one of them has...

I want a Kwak 750 triple but have you seen the prices they're fetching, these days? Completely unwarranted by falling victim to the 'classic' bug etc but c'mon they've still gotta be the most antisocial vehicle ever. That's why I want one, and mine would have Denco pipes and the oil pump turned...

The power of advertising and a good example of just how many gullible folk are around.

Shame... I was brought up on John Smiths 70s/ 80s and thought it was ace, but had nothing to compare it to. But if this guy thinks Heineken have wrecked JS, he ought to try their take on Newcastle Brown. F*** me.

Well I've started chugging some stout which was bottled 3 days ago. Is it clear? How should I know, it's stout. Me ol' man used to neck ale directly from the FV tap, but apart from messing with his meds and sending him temporarily insane, I don't think it affected his digestive tract. Who...

I can't see the problem.

My mate had one years ago. It had 'Muttley' spray-painted on the back doors and was used mainly as a knocking shop. Great times.

I make up an ultra-strong solution of sod.met and citric acid, then tell visitors to have a whiff of it whilst shoving it under their noses before it's possible to avoid getting a heavy dose. The resultant reaction and theatrics are hilarious, and ensure that they don't darken my doorstep again...

You need to find out what's up... I had the same problem about a year ago and you would not believe the ramifications and consequences once certain things came to light - a very traumatic and torrid time ensued. But that's by the way. The beer, in my experience, will be fine up to 4 weeks. Maybe...

Quite probably.... the red wine I once made from ASDA's grape juice was dire; stuff made from white juice was very, very good.

I think that lame excuse has ran its course. I reckon ( seriously ) that they figured they were losing money on 'real' wine sales due to so many folk cottoning on to the fact that they could make it for next to nowt and in no time flat from WGJ. Why did the crop fail then and in all the years...

It's the missus... she's one of those that has the heating on constantly. I've told her to get some bread an taties down't neck but she just ignores me.

The best thing that ASDA schmasda could do is start stocking WGJ again. What a shocking calamity the disappearance of that was / is. They have no problem selling junk like moon-grown organic beetroot juice and other crapola which nobody except readers of 'Superfoods 4 U' magazine might buy once.

My tyres are shyte whether it's high summer or midwinter cos they're bald. Meanwhile, as spring approaches, my mind turns to getting the sickle out. But the front tyre really has seen better days and I can't chance that letting loose with 500lbs of metal and myself depending on it. Problem is...

I'm gunna fit caterpillar tracks to my mota... working on the prototype right now.

It'll cause the owners an even bigger headache when they come to retrieve them only to find that the cars have been liberated of everything that can be sold at Cash Converters. Well that's how it'd be round here but we've only had a dusting. Jolly cold tho' ... I've taken advantage of the...

Even Boddingtons... tho' it was given to me.