fermentall
Landlord.
LONDON LAWYER V GLASGOW COP
> >A London lawyer runs a STOP sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper.
> >
> >The lawyer thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any cop.
> >
> >He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cops expense!!
> >
> >Glasgow cop says, " Licence and registration, please."
> >
> >London Lawyer says, "What for?"
> >
> >Glasgow cop says, "Ye didnae come tae a complete stop at the stop sign."
> >
> >London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
> >
> >Glasgow cop says, "Ye still didnae come tae a complete stop. Licence and registration, please"
> >
> >London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
> >
> >Glasgow cop says, "The difference is, ye huvte come tae a complete stop, that's the law, License and registration, please!"
> >
> >London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my licence and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
> >
> >Glasgow cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."
> >
> >The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.
> >
> >The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the s**t out of the lawyer and says,
> >.
> >"Dae ye want me tae stop, or jist slow doon?"
--------------------------------------------------------
The other day I was in an empty pub having a quiet beer by myself.
The door opened and in walked the most stunning woman I've ever laid eyes on. 5'11'' tall, stunning blue eyes, silky blonde hair, an hourglass figure barely covered by a tiny mini skirt and a flimsy cotton top. I could see she was not wearing a bra and her incredibly firm breasts were on show.
After watching her walk in I turned back to my beer. No sooner had I taken a sip when I turn to see her pulling another bar stool up close to me and sitting down.
She said 'Hi', and I said 'Hi' in return. She asked how I was and took my hand and placed it on her perfect inner thigh, rubbing it up and down.
'So, does that make you feel good?' she asked. .
'I'll bet you feel good,' she continued. 'In fact, I'll bet you've never felt this good before.'
'Well, I have,' I corrected her. 'You see, when I was 18, I was picked to play for the school 1st. XV in the Public School Finals in front of a crowd of about 3000 and I felt really good.'
I immediately felt a bit pathetic saying that and I thought she would get up and go but she took my hand off her thigh and put it up the front of her top. Her nipple pushed into my palm as she massaged my hand into her pert, perfect breast.
'How do you feel now,' she purred.
'OK' I replied.
Again, she said, 'I'll bet you do. In fact, I'll bet you've never felt THIS good before!'
Unbelievably I heard myself saying 'Well, actually I have. In that game, we were down by six points with about 20 seconds left in the match. The Opposition kicked the ball deep into our half of the field, where I caught it... I ran up field, side-stepping past the first few defenders, handed off a couple of would-be tacklers, burst through a few forwards, chipped over their fullback, regathered and scored a Try right under the posts with about 2 or 3 seconds 'till full time. We were still behind by one point, but I had a simple kick at goal with which to win the match and........ '
"Ahhh...." she growled between clenched teeth, more than a bit miffed, pulled my hand from under her top and thrust it down the front of her skirt. My fingers immediately met what felt like a wisp of soft cotton, and she was wet!!!!
She whispered, 'Well tell me this, Mr. Rugby Man: Have you ever felt such a perfect ****?'
'I certainly have,' I answered, 'I missed the kick.'
> >A London lawyer runs a STOP sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper.
> >
> >The lawyer thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any cop.
> >
> >He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cops expense!!
> >
> >Glasgow cop says, " Licence and registration, please."
> >
> >London Lawyer says, "What for?"
> >
> >Glasgow cop says, "Ye didnae come tae a complete stop at the stop sign."
> >
> >London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
> >
> >Glasgow cop says, "Ye still didnae come tae a complete stop. Licence and registration, please"
> >
> >London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
> >
> >Glasgow cop says, "The difference is, ye huvte come tae a complete stop, that's the law, License and registration, please!"
> >
> >London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my licence and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
> >
> >Glasgow cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."
> >
> >The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.
> >
> >The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the s**t out of the lawyer and says,
> >.
> >"Dae ye want me tae stop, or jist slow doon?"
--------------------------------------------------------
The other day I was in an empty pub having a quiet beer by myself.
The door opened and in walked the most stunning woman I've ever laid eyes on. 5'11'' tall, stunning blue eyes, silky blonde hair, an hourglass figure barely covered by a tiny mini skirt and a flimsy cotton top. I could see she was not wearing a bra and her incredibly firm breasts were on show.
After watching her walk in I turned back to my beer. No sooner had I taken a sip when I turn to see her pulling another bar stool up close to me and sitting down.
She said 'Hi', and I said 'Hi' in return. She asked how I was and took my hand and placed it on her perfect inner thigh, rubbing it up and down.
'So, does that make you feel good?' she asked. .
'I'll bet you feel good,' she continued. 'In fact, I'll bet you've never felt this good before.'
'Well, I have,' I corrected her. 'You see, when I was 18, I was picked to play for the school 1st. XV in the Public School Finals in front of a crowd of about 3000 and I felt really good.'
I immediately felt a bit pathetic saying that and I thought she would get up and go but she took my hand off her thigh and put it up the front of her top. Her nipple pushed into my palm as she massaged my hand into her pert, perfect breast.
'How do you feel now,' she purred.
'OK' I replied.
Again, she said, 'I'll bet you do. In fact, I'll bet you've never felt THIS good before!'
Unbelievably I heard myself saying 'Well, actually I have. In that game, we were down by six points with about 20 seconds left in the match. The Opposition kicked the ball deep into our half of the field, where I caught it... I ran up field, side-stepping past the first few defenders, handed off a couple of would-be tacklers, burst through a few forwards, chipped over their fullback, regathered and scored a Try right under the posts with about 2 or 3 seconds 'till full time. We were still behind by one point, but I had a simple kick at goal with which to win the match and........ '
"Ahhh...." she growled between clenched teeth, more than a bit miffed, pulled my hand from under her top and thrust it down the front of her skirt. My fingers immediately met what felt like a wisp of soft cotton, and she was wet!!!!
She whispered, 'Well tell me this, Mr. Rugby Man: Have you ever felt such a perfect ****?'
'I certainly have,' I answered, 'I missed the kick.'
