Cheating at Chess with Anal Beads

[Bosch]

Don't know if there are any chess fans out there.
But there's a huge scandal with the current champion, Magnus Carlsen accusing Hans Niemann of cheating.

Apparently the use of vibrating anal beads is used to cheat in chess at the higher levels


https://www.euronews.com/culture/2022/09/16/chess-grandmaster-denies-cheating-by-using-anal-beads

 

[Agentgonzo]

Do anal beads make you better at chess?
I feel a scientific experiment coming on...

 

[Bosch]

Forget it, I've been using anal beads for years and I am still rubbish at chess

 

[phildo79]

Sorry, just read the article and am no wiser as to how shoving something up your ar$e helps you cheat at chess. Did I miss something?

 

[Bosch]

Just a silly rumour that was on reddit originally.

Niemann does has a history of cheating though.
Not sure if he has ever used anal beads

 

[Agentgonzo]

Sorry, just read the article and am no wiser as to how shoving something up your ar$e helps you cheat at chess. Did I miss something?

No, you're not the only one. I don't see how anal beads make you better at chess

 

[Bosch]

You could shove an extra queen up your bum.

That would really help.

On second thoughts, that would really only work if you are playing as black

 

[Twogunrocky]

I figure he was going for an 'en p***ant capture'

 

[Stevieboy]

I figure he was going for an 'en p***ant capture'

......it's not exactly hardcore pawn is it?

 

[Clint]

Cant be very comfortable having a rook of things stuck up your bottom..

 

[mgmick]

Is this supplementary to flogging the bishop?

 

[Covrich]

I thought this was a new Beer name

 

[StJayJay]

I’ve heard of using nipple clamps to gain a competitive advantage in a game of draughts before, but this is ridiculous.

 

[Clint]

Wonder if slamming the wardrobe door on your wedding tackle would help at lawn tennis?

 

[foxy]

No, you're not the only one. I don't see how anal beads make you better at chess

Well it could if one was receiving coded signals at what the computer would do. I could see this working. Each piece has a code, kings knight or queens knight 3 buzzes or four buzzes. Same with Bishops different signals. It could work, someone just half decent at chess could memorise which piece to move from the signals and where to move them. Yes definitely possible.

 

[phildo79]

You could shove an extra queen up your bum.

That would really help.

On second thoughts, that would really only work if you are playing as black

Don't give that Niemann cnut any ideas.

 

[dad_of_jon]

simples, a long buzz to make the beady deriere person pay attention, then a number of short buzzes 1-8 then a gap then another set of buzzes 1-8 - that now indicates the piece to move , repeat for where to move it to. I'm not sure my butt could stand a long drawn out game

 

[Agentgonzo]

simples, a long buzz to make the beady deriere person pay attention, then a number of short buzzes 1-8 then a gap then another set of buzzes 1-8 - that now indicates the piece to move , repeat for where to move it to. I'm not sure my butt could stand a long drawn out game

. OK, yeah - that makes sense. I was trying to imagine how they would be used as a performance enhancer, rather than a messaging device.

 

[The Baron]

Didn't they use this on Who Wants to be a Millionaire except it made them cough

 

[Stevieboy]

So next years Chess Championships are going to have to begin with a rectal exam before taking your place at the table!!