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The drill instructor dialogue from the movie Full Metal Jacket is fun to shout into the phone, too. That is, if you don’t have anything from your own service time.

Last scam call I got was claiming to be the IRS, who was going to put out a warrant for my arrest if I didn’t transfer money to them. I faked crying about a divorce, etc lost child custody and now this, and I couldn’t take any more, then I fired a black powder pistol primer into the air and had...

Milk. Added yeast and lactose enzymes to milk and fermented it. Resulted in an alcoholic cottage cheese floating in alcoholic whey. To be honest, Ugandan banana gin was better.

I’m reminded of Good Omens by Pratchett & Gaiman: the character Shadwell, who referred to everyone as “a great southern pansy”, so that it would seem, through geo-location, that he, himself, was from the North Pole.

Drink it.

Is there a test for southerners?

“Disposable”. A perfect word for society. Think of everything you bought this year so far- not food or brewing ingredients, but actual items to keep. How many of them will still be around in 5 years? In ten?

Light reading

If you want a scary cowboy flick, you could try Bone Tomahawk with Kurt Russell.

An important part of the ecosystem? Yeah, that’s just fine to say until it’s your car that’s been keyed, and the tires slashed for the 4th time, and you don’t bother going outside cuz of all the used condoms, and you don’t even bother ordering stuff online anymore cuz they keep stealing the...

Titan a.e. Love that movie- doesn’t get credit for a pretty good storyline. Watched “Castaway” with Tom Hanks, and realized he would have been dead in less than 6 months (scurvy- no source of vitamin C on the island)

My newest hard seltzer had to be named after a heavy metal tune, without modification: “Painkiller” (Judas Priest). A mint-absinthe flavored seltzer at 20%…doesn’t really hold carbonation well, but I tried!

Growlers are handy if the fridge is out of the main house. Additionally: if the fridge is visible outside, you’ll need to rig up a bike lock over the tap, etc. so neighborhood kids don’t drain the keg one night…. (Had a customer at the homebrew store I worked at lose a batch of beer that way)

“Helles bells” for the Bavarian helles. “Sui-Cidre” for the barrel aged 20% cider “Stand up, stumble, puke on the floor” for a barley wine (based on the running cadence “stand up, hook up, shuffle to the door “ sung by airborne types) “Spiders in the Morning” for a 12% Tripel. (Cuz that is what...

Any American school kid that knows the metric system, is either an honor student, or a drug dealer….. That was the rule when I was in school.

Americans use volume measures because a set of tin cups and spoons is easier to carry across the prairie during westward expansion, than a precise scale, and it’s set of weights. That’s my theory at any rate. Brought to you by *BEER*

I got a wee lecture from my Ops SGT about my drinking. I told him the vodka I drank was only half water, so I had to drink twice as much to get hydrated. Then I was told that if I black out, that’s a problem- I said it was my liver quitting before I was ready so it had to be punished, so I had...

Just need one brick- tied to the feet. “Sleeps with the paneer” according to old curry house mafia custom.

“If it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it”. - the motto of the fiddler